Sunday, December 17, 2017

Transitioning Around Transitioning

As I have mentioned many times here in Cyrsti's Condo, there are many stages in a Mtf transition. Very rarely I suppose, does a transgender woman wake up early in her transition and say "this is the day", go out and throw her male clothes in the trash.

Personally, I think I went through at least distinct transitions before I arrived at the point I am today.

Let's check in on Connie's ideas:

"FABULOUSCONNIEDEEDecember 16, 2017 at 11:43 AM
In my mind, I had begun transition about 18 months before I went full-time living as a woman. There had been little doubt that I was ready (long overdue, really) to live as my true self, but I felt obligated to others to plan and allow them to transition along with me. That is, family and friends were more important to me than whatever solace my transition may have brought me. By that time, I had already been living 80% as a woman, which was pretty easy. The last 20% took a lot of work, however. The 80% was in terms of time, but the 20% of time was ten times more important to me. Three Thanksgivings have passed now since I began my 100% life, and I couldn't imagine going back to 80% - which is as far back as I know I could manage, anyway.

I, like Paula, am a musician. I had long wondered how I would be accepted by an audience as a woman, and also by other musicians. I had been performing for mostly cross dressers for about a year, but that was more of a novelty, and not so affirming. I was in a blues/jazz band as my male self at the same time, and one day I secured a job for the band at a charity event called "Cross Dress for Success," raising money for "Dress for Success," helping low income women with business attire to help them find jobs. Using my cunning and decisiveness (honed so well over the years), I had a clause put in the contract that "at least one member of the band must be cross dressed." That opened the door for me to come out to my band, but what happened later was far beyond my expectations. Someone at the event wanted to hire us for another event (having nothing to do with trans), but insisted that I be just who I am. That led to a series of gigs for "Connie Dee and The Sciaticats (we all had bad backs, but were cool as cats), and I never appeared on stage as my old male self again. I went on to bill myself as "The Fabulous Connie Dee," adding the "fabulous" because there was already a "Connie Dee," hence the name you see here.

I'd have to say that love is what helps to make the decision to transition. Love who you are, love those who are important to you, and love what you do (or continue to do what you always loved)."
As always thanks!
I too agree with the 80%. I had an tendency to over think the final 20% as I transitioned. I was too concerned with every move I made and with every nuance of how I looked. It was only after I finally began to gain confidence (and relax) did I begin to really enjoy my new life.

Rugby Mini Dress

Thanks to all of you who continue to help me to write Cyrsti's Condo! These comments from Paula and Michelle deserve to be repeated:

  1. "I always thought that American Football was a girls game anyway! Sometimes when I am with friends who have known me for a long time, and the conversation turns to my game (Rugby Union ~ I played in the front row!) anyone who overhears the conversation can get a little confused. I am sure that there are some men who have felt their masculinity undermined when somebody as apparently Macho as I appeared to be rejects their own masculinity, but, I suspect that this often indicates a lack of security in their own sexuality or masculinity.

    I make it point of pride only to wear rugby shirts of teams I have played for or against, I still have the shirt I used at my last club, it's just that now I wear it as a mini dress!
  2. I had to laugh when you were describing how you dealt with the tow truck driver.

    And yes you are right about how women start learning early on how to act around men (basically how to stroke their egos) to accomplish a goal."
  3. Paula, while I wouldn't go as far (of course)  by calling American Football a girls game, there are women playing it you could be right! Plus I have seen a semi-pro women's football team up close and personal, and I would  not want to make any enemies of them. Also, I thought the Australians played the toughest rugby :)
  4. I had a long The Ohio State University football jersey, which could have been worn as a mini dress...just never did it.
  5. And Michelle (no relation), I did learn a powerful lesson with the tow driver, just smile, shut up, and make him feel good by making a fool of himself! It's no wonder cis women have such a different view of dealing with men that we trans girls have to learn as we cross the gender frontier!
  6. Thanks to both for your comments!

Saturday, December 16, 2017

We Made the Cut!

In an ever increasing attempt to curtail free speech in this country, the orange menace (Rump) and crowd have banned certain words for government agencies to use...including transgender.

Here is more from the Washington Post: 

The Trump administration is prohibiting officials at the nation’s top public health agency from using a list of seven words or phrases — including “fetus” and “transgender” — in any official documents being prepared for next year’s budget.
Policy analysts at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta were told of the list of forbidden words at a meeting Thursday with senior CDC officials who oversee the budget, according to an analyst who took part in the 90-minute briefing. The forbidden words are “vulnerable,” “entitlement,” “diversity,” “transgender,” “fetus,” “evidence-based” and “science-based.”
"The question of how to address such issues as sexual orientation, gender identity and abortion rights — all of which received significant visibility under the Obama administration — has surfaced repeatedly in federal agencies since President Trump took office. Several key departments — including Health and Human Services, which oversees the CDC, as well as Justice, Education, and Housing and Urban Development — have changed some federal policies and how they collect government information about lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Americans.
I have no further comment about how ugly this makes me feel about the current fascist administration.

Decisions, Decisions

Paula Goodwin responded to our Cyrsti's Condo post about going full time as a transgender woman:
"Making the decision to stay full time in one gender is not an easy one, particularly for those of us of more mature year! After living many years presenting one gender to then make a permanent switch takes a lot of thought. For me I felt I had to try out what it was like doing real life things presenting as a woman, not just the fun things like going out to concerts, bars or galleries. I joined an orchestra as Paula and found that I enjoyed my music more and played with more sensitivity (as much as is possible on the bass trombone!) and that I was just more comfortable.

I would strongly recommend trying some real life experiences before making the decision, after all it may be possible to go back after going 24/7 but it could be both difficult and embarrassing!"
Thank you Paula!
I can't imagine ever going back, although I have to admit I miss doing several of the activities I did as a guy and I miss the simplicity of living as a guy.
My body is so feminized now from HRT, I know I could go back, but I can't ever imagining wanting to. Almost none of the people now ever knew my old male self.

Friday, December 15, 2017

What Makes a Man a Man?

Briefly, a couple of posts ago here in Cyrsti's Condo, we discussed how (for the most part) cis-men are intimidated by transgender women.

It's another complicated topic with no easy answers, but there are a couple. First, many men cling tenuously to their manhood to start with. Manhood is so confined, as compared to womanhood. After-all, woman have the children, keep a home and these days most must work too. Men have ego's which need to be maintained, etc.

Also the domains previously reserved for men are shrinking. Sports are a prime example. When, we, as trans women have played sports (and still have an active interest in) in our past, it's a problem with some men. Take Connie for example:

"I don't know if my high school successes as a football player intimidates any man, but I have disappointed a few who think that I was fooling them. I did play football as a diversion; a diversion for myself and a diversion for others to have no idea that I had a secret identity. The truth is that I loved playing the game - beyond the opportunities it afforded me to take out my anger and frustration on another human being. It was something I had a talent for, but, thank God, I had not the size for college ball. I don't have many occasions to talk about my past exploits in the game like a group of guys might do, trading stories and one-upping each other. That just doesn't fit my style anymore. 

There have been times, with people who are sincere in their curiosity, when I've used the example of my prior football days to explain how I dealt with my gender identity early on. Then I sing a verse of "If They Could See Me Now," and give a big wink. My days of intimidation were left on the football field. ;-)"

As most of you know, I too played football and some baseball in my past. When I was actively in the dating pool as a transgender woman, sometimes I just didn't say much about my knowledge of sports, or other "guy" things when dealing with a guy. A perfect example was when my car broke down one time and I had to sit back and play the perfect "dumb blond" as the driver explained to me how to get to my own house and how his tow truck worked.

I suppose it's an act most cis women learn growing up.

Maybe now, times are a changing and it's up to cis men to be better persons and catch up. They just can't rely on their "brawn" to make life work with women. Cis or trans. 

And thanks to Connie.

What If

I dwell on this topic quite a bit it seems. Perhaps it's because I get asked the question about what it's like to go "full time" as a transgender woman. All of a sudden, it wasn't which gender I was going to a party as, it became what I was going to find to wear. As a woman, I didn't want to embarrass myself. Didn't want to under-dress or over- dress for the evening.

In many ways, it's a tough question, yet easy to answer. First of all, it is different than anything I ever imagined. Back in my cross dressing days, I was obsessed with so called "passing." Now I'm obsessed with looking the best I can and letting the cards fall where they may.

Along the way, I have crossed so many frontiers, they are hard to remember. Communication barriers arose the more I lived as a woman. Both genders communicated with me different. For the most part I was ostracized by men and treated with curiosity by women. Along the way, I just came to expect it. I learned to be more of a listener and be on the outlook for passive aggressive behavior.

"Passing" was also replaced by comfort and blending. It became simply impossible for me to put together a complete "heels and hose" outfit for every occasion. Instead, I began to dress to blend...with other women. So, again, I was dressing for women and not men.

I think too, in many parts of the country, living as a transgender woman or trans man is becoming  somewhat easier. In fact, I recently gave job advice to a new trans woman friend. I asked her if there was a Kroger Grocery Store near her. At least around here, Kroger makes it a point to be very diverse.

Not to say life is a piece of cake for a trans person, but in someways there is a glimmer of hope on the sunrise. Especially with the political situation beginning to change. Even in Alabama.

Finally, if you really are thinking about going "full-time", dress to blend and go to the hardest places you perceive to go. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere!

Good luck...on your new gender skill.

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Success in Columbia?

  • From the Washington Blade:

BOGOTÁ, Colombia — A transgender woman who is running for the Colombian Senate hopes to make history in the South American country.
Tatiana Piñeros on Monday formally registered her candidacy with Colombian election officials.
Piñeros is ninth among the list of candidates for the “List of Decency” — a coalition that includes the center-left Independent Social Alliance and Patriotic Union parties and the Indigenous and Social Alternative Movement.
Congressional elections are scheduled to take place on March 11. Piñeros would become the first openly trans person elected to the Colombian congress if she receives enough votes.
“We need to have new voices,” she told the Washington Blade on Tuesday from the Colombian capital of Bogotá. “We need new leaders.”
For more, go here.

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